The V8 and the V great: V8 mega-test

The V8 super-test in pictures

Its curious then that the Maloo is the quietest of the quartet at idle. The AMG has emits a purposeful crack on start-up. The Bentley emits a richer gurgle. The Atom can’t help but sound purposeful, because it is.

The Vauxhall makes only the lightest of burbles when it’s twisted into life, before settling to a muted idle. Maybe that’s because it’s sold all over the world and must meet strict regulations in parts of the US. Or maybe there isn’t much room for clever exhaust tuning. Listen carefully and the character is still there, and the car still rocks with a press of your right foot. Given the looks, its decidedly restrained.

I should point out that I’m not a great fan of ‘tunnel runs’. Definitely not ones where drivers come together with loud exhausts, louder whoops and a desire to listen to them along a road with an enclosed roof. It sets curtains twitching and provides easy pickings for Daily Mail headline writers. Its not coincidence the tunnel has average speed cameras.

To my ears, a pleasing engine note is best enjoyed when there’s no one around who’ll be bothered by it, like during our mid-week, mid-morning photo shoot. We’ve picked our moment so there’s enough ambient noise so nobody outside the bores will notice our passing. Yet it’s sufficiently lightly trafficked to pick the right moment to drop a couple of gears for purely scientific objective assessment. Which has the best-sounding V8?

In a hard-topped car, if you drop the windows and accelerate in a tunnel, you hear a bit of engine and a lot more wind. It takes a special car to make a bigger noise than the on-rushing breeze. It doesn’t take long to reach 70mph from 40mph in any of these four cars. That makes the enjoyment of noise a temporary experience. No sooner does it arrive, it’s has gone.

Let’s start with the Maloo. The big Vauxhall is leggily geared. Second reaches to the other side of 60mph. Sixth let you cruise at the legal limit at less than 2000rpm. Second or third is needed to make a substantial noise and even then it’s not that, well, substantial.

There’s some throat to it, lots of purpose and, as I find at the MIRA test track later, quite a lot of volume if you keep it nailed through the gears. On the road, its beauty lies in its delivery, not its sound. There’s ample torque from rest and it revs happily comfortably past its 6000rpm, 425bhp power peak. It’s a gem of an engine, but it doesn’t shout about it.

Bentley Continental GTC

Neither, at lower revs, does the Bentley. Crewe’s engineers have given the 4.0-litre V8 reserved attitude that suits the car. It wafts and strokes, shifting imperceptibly on the eight-speed auto. On throttle openings past 2750rpm, the note hardens. Clearly, acoustic engineers have been at work delivering a rich, deep and clear V8 grumble that stays to its redline. The beauty of this Bentley is that it’s a convertible. All the better for hearing it with.

The V8 super-test in pictures

The Mercedes has received similar levels of acoustic engineering, but it’s more obvious, more often. Both are unmuffled by their turbochargers. Neither whizzes, fizzes or whistles, but fine exhaust noise with a touch of induction urge.

The E63’s has a harder edge – and a more satisfying one than the Bentley’s, although the Bentley gives the impression that it’s shifting more air (which it isn’t, because the AMG is not just a bigger capacity but also makes 549bhp). For tunnels, the Bentley’s hoodless nature has the edge. Everywhere else, the Mercedes is more satisfying.

Ariel Atom

The Ariel is the exception. From the cockpit, where you’ll likely be wearing a helmet, there’s a lot of mechanical noise. From the outside, it’s a very different story. For immediacy and aggression, the Atom’s engine is in a league of one. By the time you’ve thought about giving it full urge in third gear, it’s time to back out again, if rampant wheelspin hasn’t already encouraged you to do so.

But what a machine. What an addiction. And when you can give it the lot, what a sound. Imagine a hoard of superbikes accelerating in sync and you’ll get the idea. The Atom is so spectacular that its engine doesn’t dominate the experience. The gearbox and its pneumatic shift are equally intoxicating. It steers and handles with aplomb, too, although it would be better still on grippier front tyres. Even its diddy paddle shifters are things of beauty.

That Bentley is a fine car, too. So rich in sound and performance is the V8 that the 6.0-litre W12 is now a way to mark out those who must spend as much money as is possible.

The rest of the Continental package is equally lovely. The GTC is a rare thing, a convertible unspoilt by the removal of the coupé’s roof. It later tipped MIRA’s scales at more than 2500kg. Bentley remains unafraid of excess and beefing up its chassis to retain rigidity.

Yet the GTC rides and steers admirably well, given its mass. If you have a Continental, you’ll likely have another car as well – in which case, for my money, you might as well have the convertible, for when nothing but open-air motoring will do.

Mercedes E63 AMG

The E63 is a lovely thing. I prefer the way a Jaguar XFR rides and steers but there’s appeal to the way the Mercedes does things. Chief among which is its engine. It has the most flamboyant motor in its class is why it, and not a BMW M5 or the Jaguar, appears here. If you want a the engine to dominates the experience, the Mercedes is the super-saloon of choice.

Vauxhall will import around 50 Maloos into the UK, although one suspects even this number won’t leave too many people disappointed. I love it, but it’s hard to see what you’d use it for. What surprised me about it is how tidily it drives.

There’s nothing shouty about the way the Maloo drives; the hydraulic steering is decently weighted, body control is fine, and it has a pleasingly neutral cornering stance if you get the front end tucked in under braking. The control weights are beefy, but that’s part of the charm.